Some dinners can be harder than others. I think last nights dinner was a tougher one for us – one of my kids didn’t want what was served. This ended up in a stand-off between him and my husband. And, in my desire to pacify-away the whole situation I was constantly up and down from the table grabbing stuff.
So what happened? Keep reading to find out.
What was served
Last night, my husband made a delicious pot of chili. He started soaking the kidney beans on Sunday, he cooked them on Monday and made the chili last night for dinner.
You can see that he had some shredded cheese, diced jalapenos and green onions on the side. When he was calling everyone for dinner – he also asked one of our sons if he wanted to grab an apple to put on the table. This offer was declined and we all sat down.
The meal time expectation breakdown
One we are all seated at the table, and I started offering my kids dinner, asking questions like “Do you want some chili? Do you want some cheese?” My one son said he didn’t want any of those things and “Is there anything else to eat?”
What I want to say is something like: “Umm, no there isn’t. We made you this delicious and nutritious dinner. We asked you if you wanted an apple. Now I am finally sitting down for the first time all day and I am hungry and just want to sit down and eat. And now you ask if there is something else to eat?!?!?!?”
Does this happen to you too? If it doesn’t there are two things happening:
- Your kids are not humans but angels or robots or something else
- You may not be human but instead an angel or robot or something else
Adult: Eat it; Kid: No
While neither my husband nor myself actually say these things out loud, we both thought it. Last night, my husband got in the first response, which something a little like:
“No, there isn’t. And I want you to try the chili.”
My son responds with something like: “I don’t want too.”
My husband then took a tiny scoop of chili, put it in his bowl and told me son he had to eat it. At which point my kid says he doesn’t want too.
Does this happen in your house? Please tell me I am not alone over here!
Point/Counterpoint from the perspective of a dietitian and a mom
I am of two minds about this situation – one from my mom/wife brain and one from dietitian brain. It looks a little something like this.
| Dietitian Brain | Mom Brain |
|---|---|
| Forcing kids to try foods violates their autonomy | It’s like two bites, just be polite and eat the chili |
| Two bites has no impact on his overall nutrition/diet | My husband made this nice chili, its disrespectful if my kid doesn’t at least try it |
| Ultimatums with kids can be difficult to see through – as kids can be just as stubborn as adults | This isn’t likely to go well and now the atmosphere of our family meal totally sucks |
| Offering foods in non-pressure environment is more likely to result in the desired outcome (e.g. trying the chili) than a pressured environment | How can I fix this? Also I am really hungry – can I just keep eating and ignore this and let those two sort it out? |
What happened
My kid dug in his heels and my husband backed down. They came to the agreement that my son would try a bit of the meat and one bean and report back on which part he liked better (the meat or bean). My kid asked for some bread and my husband said OK.
Then I jumped up from the table and got some bread.
Then jumped up from the table to get some margarine.
Then jumped up from the table to get some jam.
Then jumped up from the table to get a knife.
(I really got my steps in last night!)
Then we all ate our meal in peace.
Post-mortem analysis
There is so much food for thought here in this meal time experience. And there are probably lots of ways that we could have supported each other to have our meal experience go smoother. Here are the strengths and areas for improvement.
| Strengths | Opportunities |
|---|---|
| Chili and Cheese were on the table for offer | Try to have at least 3 things on the table on offer and aim to make at least one of those things your kid likes |
| Kid was offered an apple in a yes/no fashion | When planning the menu with your child – offer a variety of guided choices: “Lets put some fruit on the table, would you prefer apples or bananas?” “Lets put a grain on the table, would you prefer bread or rice?” |
| Meals were served family style and we all initially sat down together | If a child doesn’t like anything at a meal, instead of giving them an ultimatum of “You must eat so many bites”; you can try offering your guided choices at this point: “You are right, we normally have a few more choices on the table, lets add some now.” and go back to offering kids some options that you feel comfortable with. |
But I am not a supposed to short order cook?
One word of caution is to try to avoid offering substitutes that require cooking. Offering foods that you have on hand that can round out the meal is a good place to start.
So what?
Not every family meal is going to be perfect. Sometimes kids seem to push every button we got and a pleasant meal can turn into a battle ground.
Ideally the goal is try to avoid high-pressure eating environments and do our best to avoid these scenarios by offering guided choices before we sit down to eat.
If that doesn’t happen and you need to go into damage control mode – try offering some choices that will be quick and easy and that you can all feel good about.
But most importantly – don’t get discouraged. Tomorrow is a new day!
Thanks for reading! If you have any meal-time struggles that you want to share, leave me a comment or send me an email at contact@kellypicard.com
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